To the Husband Whose Wife Has a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Illness

Steve Lotima

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Well, Have we are,not only has life as i know it changed,unfortunately so has yours!we are now on a new journey,not a fun one,not an exciting one,but more of mountain climbing journey with many pit stops and detours ahead.so here are a few things you ahould know going into this journey that many make it easier for you to deal with me.as you know,I know a chronic illness and life will never be the same for either one of us.It’s not an illness you can see.but you see me struggling.It’s not an illness you can feel,but you see my pain.It’s not an illness you may understand,but you see my frustration.Things will never be the name but i can try to keep them as “normal” as possible for the sake of our family.so how do i fully explain the challenge that lie ahead? There are many aspects of chronic illness/pain that i want you to understand so we will start at the beginning and I’ll explain as best as i can so you know and can understand fully that this journey will be.There are a lot of different areas to cover so hold on.It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

So what is this  thing called fibromyalgia? well there are so many theories and definitions of what it is that they all kind of mesh together and some definitions sound utterly confusing and dont’s make sense while others make it sound like a bunch of symptoms with no real meaning or defined diagnosis so it must be all in our heads but let’s give it a name anyway.so first of all, i have this “condition” that affects how my body responds to pain,The “fun” part,everyday might be different so i may have pain in my joints one day, and shooting pains in my legs another day.So let’s start with pain.

My pain may range from bothersome to extreme from one day to another and even one hours to next.Sometimes it may be hard for me to tell you exactly what hurts and how it hurts,but just know It’s very uncomfortable and it hurts.The :bothersome”day are theone that I try very hard to keep up with the day to day chores of keeping the house functional and clean.I also try to tackle the other project that keep adding up.These are typically the daythat  I push myself far beyond my limits so know that if I’ve had a busy day and lots of projects done.I may be down for count for a few days afterwards.The day I have extreme pain are they days I will spend most of it on the couch ,in bed or in the chair trying to get comfortable.

These are the days that the laundry ,the dishes,the house cleaning and cooking will have to wait,or I will need help.You will likely also find these are the day that many tears are shed.Tears of pain,tears of sorrow,tears of frustration and tears of knowing I’m letting myself and family down.But as I have learned,you know these tears and are always willing to comfort me.You know this is one of my most vulnerable times and you let me deal with it as best I can,even if it mean I have to miss yet another family get another.

These times/days of pain I may also have a lot of anxiety and stress,but from what I have learned,not all stress and anxiety are expressed the same way or the typical fashion many

people many of thing,mainly the anxiety part.For most people when they hear anxiety,or anxiety attacks,they picture people sitting in the corner,curled up in ball swaying back and forth while mumbling a bunch of gibberich.Well anxiety can be expressesd or demonstrated in many differet ways.must of which I have just learned of myself.For me the most common ways I demonstrate anxiety are anger and getting easily upset.Simple things just make me so frustrated,upset and crabby that no matter how hard I try to calm,collected,little things just seem to push my buttons and make me so upset.

Please know that i am trying so very hard to let these things roll off my back and not cause me stress or anxiety,I just can’t help it most of the time however and it’s because physically I am just so uncomfortable that sometimes it takes nothing more than a particular look to drive me crazy! I try so very hard to keep it together and not let things bother me but know that sometimes I just can’t keep it all in and it’s bound to eventually spew over like mount Vesuvius! You have also learned that when i have conversations with you, or  others,that sometimes not making much sense,this is also a way I experience and express anxiety.I try to take deep breaths.keep my responses in conversation even,calm and collected but yes,sometimes a simple conversation can send my anxiety into a tailspin.

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